Archive for hello developers of this game we are addressing you directly

Games We Would Have Written

Posted in iPod Touch and iPhone, News with tags , , , , on November 10, 2010 by RevStu

…About Properly If Their Developers Hadn’t Provided Such Piss-Poor Excuses For Screenshots, But Which Are Very Good And You Should Download Anyway While They’re Free (ie Now) So The Stupid Idiots Don’t Make Any Money, Alongside A Picture Of Something Somehow Thematically Related Which Is Less Likely To Hideously Disfigure Our Nice Website Than Their Butt-Ugly Marketing Shots.

#5: Train Conductor

Podgamer would like to apologise to sensitive viewers for the completely unnecessary repetition of the phrase “shit-fuck” in the above image, and also in this sentence.

Games We Would Have Written

Posted in iPod Touch and iPhone, News with tags , , , on November 5, 2010 by RevStu

…About Properly If Their Developers Hadn’t Provided Such Piss-Poor Excuses For Screenshots, But Which Are Very Good And You Should Download Anyway While They’re Free (ie Now) So The Stupid Idiots Don’t Make Any Money, Alongside A Picture Of Something Completely Unrelated That’s Less Likely To Hideously Disfigure Our Nice Website Than Their Crap-Ugly Marketing Shots.

#4: Fare City

Woah! Those funky little taxis look like Pac-Man crying!

Games We Would Have Written

Posted in iPod Touch and iPhone, News with tags , , on October 30, 2010 by RevStu

…About Properly If Their Developers Hadn’t Provided Such Piss-Poor Excuses For Screenshots, But Which Are Very Good And You Should Download Anyway While They’re Free (ie Now) So The Stupid Idiots Don’t Make Any Money, Alongside A Picture Of Something Completely Unrelated That’s Less Likely To Hideously Disfigure Our Nice Website Than Their Crap-Ugly Marketing Shots.

#2: Portal Rush

Yikes! A G-g-g-ghost!

Games We Would Have Written

Posted in iPod Touch and iPhone, News with tags , on October 26, 2010 by RevStu

…About Properly If Their Developers Hadn’t Provided Such Piss-Poor Excuses For Screenshots, But Which Are Very Good And You Should Download Anyway While They’re Free (ie Now) So The Stupid Idiots Don’t Make Any Money, Alongside A Picture Of Something Completely Unrelated That’s Less Likely To Hideously Disfigure Our Nice Website Than Their Crap-Ugly Marketing Shots.

#1: Super Blast

Man! That cat sure is precariously perched!

(Not) Christ (not) on a bike

Posted in iPod Touch and iPhone, News, Stu\'s favourites with tags , , on October 5, 2010 by RevStu

Want to know another thing I hate? Idiot developers who don’t put any proper screenshots in their App Store entries. I mean, you want people to cover this game you’ve worked so hard on, right?

So why would you force someone wanting to write something about it to buy it, install it, load it up, play it until they get to a visually-interesting bit, awkwardly grab an in-game screenshot with the Home and top buttons (with the time-delay that means you actually get a pic of something that happened two seconds after the bit you wanted), quit out, connect their iThing to a PC, load up Picasa or something, import the image into My Pictures, go and open My Pictures, find the shot, open it in a paint program (in case you need to resize it or rotate it into landscape mode or whatever), edit and save it, and only THEN finally be able to upload it to their site or blog and give you some free sodding publicity, just so they could get a picture of the game without your stupid advertising copy spewed all over it, you bumbling twatsacks? Grrr.

I love Rat On A Scooter XL – free for a limited period from today – only just enough to go through all that crap for it, and it’s a game I like so much that it’s been on page 2 of my Home screen ever since the day it evolved from a throwaway mini-mode in a previous title to get released in its own much-enhanced right. So it gets cut some slack. Anything else with no proper screenshots can pretty much piss off, though. You’ve been warned.

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